last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Is Oprah even human
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
