Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You are the jesus of drinking
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
