Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
