hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
