Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
