I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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