i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
This is classic penis vs brain.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
