The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
