You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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