I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
