no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
How naked do you want me to be?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
