My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
