I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
