She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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