Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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