I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
