that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
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