Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
