Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
