That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
