I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
