Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize