his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
