I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize