Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
