I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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