Do you still have your period?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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