I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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