I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
