i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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