Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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