Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
