i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
