my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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