I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
