I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize