There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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