I think my vagina is haunted
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
