she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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