Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
