dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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