Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
