Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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