apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
