I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
