The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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