i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
