??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
