It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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