I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
A+ Viking dick
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