i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
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