ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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