Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
