Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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