Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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