I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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