ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
