soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
