hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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