Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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