You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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