it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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