mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
