First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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