i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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