Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
