Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
