Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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