I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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