Someone shit on the floor
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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