We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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