Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
