It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
