This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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