please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
