There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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