That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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