Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
