one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
