Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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