So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
