this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
