I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
