Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
