I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
