there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize