You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
