Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
They are going to name an STD after you.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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