You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
